I really wish I was better for Eikal. I do love him, like a lot. Even words could not describe how much I really love him.

Everytime I tried, I feel like a failure. I can’t even make Eikal feel happy around me, that’s how awful I am. 

Eikal won’t let me open my own door, he would buy me things even without I’m asking for it, he would peel off my chicken even without I’m opening my mouth. He would carry all my stuff and talk to me in the most gentle voice.

But sometimes, sometimes i feel Eikal is not the same anymore. His love is not tender as before, he always say im trying to pick a fight with him but im not. People keep saying Eikal love me but as someone who has feel Eikal most gentle love, its not the same anymore.

I hate myself. I really do. 

You know that euphoric feeling when you're doing something that you love? Mine is riding the train, and getting on board on flight. This is my escape with a little splash of Ariana's song in my brain