I think i just figured out why I love LRT so much, umi and ayah used to bring us around pasar malam at jalan tar on lrt and probably why I was so excited when CASS wanted to go shopping there

One of my core memories is going to jalan tar with them to jalan jalan and it was one of the deepest memories that I have. I love the view from the LRT, especially during the night. Too bad I don't really have friends to enjoy the view

Nobody bothers enough to ask me what I feel and I think that brings me to the perspective of what kind of friend I am to others

I think one of the reasons ayah doesn't really enjoy going out is probably is because he is too tired driving all the time, he was always the driver, not the passengers. Going out a lot on a manual car is not easy, I know he is tired. He tried to make amends with me all these times but I never really noticed

I know he must be excited to buy a new car where he doesn't have to drive, I feel bad, not being able to drive him around. Adik and Umi did most of the work and I'm just sitting around feeling so entitled. I need to make sure I afford to buy Audi that I always told ayah. He must be so proud

I think ayah suka keluar jalan he just hated the thoughts of driving, that must be why he always asks adik to bring him out.

When I think about it again, ayah and I have a lot in common. We are both loners. We don't really have anyone to rely on. Umi must have felt that i can always rely on her but the thing is, I always feel the sense of paying the deeds back. Like I'm a burden, I can sense umi's disappointment at me. I don't think umi realizes that I'm hurting too. And the worst part is that I have no one to tell.

Just like how I had no one to comfort me when ayah died.

Ayah must have felt lonely at the hospital, I never really want to be alone but when I am alone I don't really have to worry about being a burden to anyone else

This must have been a sign I need to get out of the house soon enough, I hope that urusan kereta tu cepat la settle.

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